《Five Things Happy People Do》

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Five Things Happy People Do

There just may be a hidden formula for joy!
Experts reveal the secrets of happy women.
By Gabrielle LeBlanc
From O, The Oprah Magazine, March 2008

Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy,
but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with
systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies
reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be
true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed
the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's
worth trying to become one of them:

hey find their most golden self. Picture happiness.
What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating
the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—
contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But
researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more
important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or
"deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's
unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal
in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth
with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his
or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden
figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap
pottery (the person's base exterior). The effort to know and realize one's
most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central
concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking
on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.

"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic
happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J.
Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive
emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals
is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is
also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for
it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development)
weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers
for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic
happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of
psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

They design their lives to bring in joy. It may seem obvious, but "people
don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their
life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a
psychologist and professor of management at the University of California,
San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than
900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before.
Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at
each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities
they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says.
"They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and
have control over."

Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning
long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to
be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up
being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a
partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.

Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor.
Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an
activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like
(reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant
improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another
recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who
made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits)
with others who passively experienced positive turns in their
circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad
roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the
group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.

They avoid "if only" fantasies. If only I get a better job…find a man…lose
the weight…life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of
thinking.

The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what
will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when
zeroing in on a single aspect of their lives—it's called the focusing illusion.
In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your
life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When
the dating question was asked first, their romantic lives weighed more
heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the
questions were reversed.

The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic
adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a
new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase
and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part
of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their
lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or
putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).

They put best friends first. It's no surprise that social engagement is one
of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the
nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting
with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of
time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD,
assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the
best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy
discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir
found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the
mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.

They allow themselves to be happy. As much as we all think we want it,
many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too
happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you
were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.

"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until
you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't
have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, who co-authored
The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World with the Dalai Lama. "The Dalai
Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing,
there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to
helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one
famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions
(such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years
longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs
persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you
allow a little happiness into your life.

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