誰是一家之主

[Guest]

誰是一家之主 男女看法分歧
（中央社記者禾楓云溫哥華二十六日專電）

誰才是一家之主？男主人還是女主人？根據加拿大一項調查，男女在這一問題上看法分
歧。在一千名受訪者當中，各有百分之五十六的男性和女性表示，家裡所有重大決定，都
是他們「說了算」。

有趣的是，雖然兩性在自認是一家之主的比例上完全相等，有更多的女性強烈支持這種權
威，比例達百分之二十九，明顯高於男性的百分之二十三。

同樣的，根據「加西新聞社」和「環球電視台」合作的這項民調，有百分之四十六的女性
自認是「家庭中的老大兼總管」，卻只有百分之三十一的男性同意「主婦大人擁有無上權
威」。

布朗大學精神病學及人類行為教授何斯曼表示，夫婦一旦生活在一起，就會試圖影響對
方，簡單的說，就是一種權力鬥爭的開始。

何斯曼所做的訪談也顯示，被詢及在這種權力拉扯過程中，誰會先讓步時，自稱會先讓步
的女性只有百分之五十，男性則高達百分之八十五。換句話，女性多半認為夫妻關係平
等，反而男性多不這麼認為。

何斯曼認為，會出現這種現象，主要是受大眾文化和女性主義抬頭影響，許多女性認為，
女性經過長期奮鬥才有今天地位，不能再讓人隨意擺佈，以至於有時男伴一些善意的建
議，反被認為是在耍權威。他說，其實男女性之間的一些爭執，往往只是因為不明白對方
的動機所致。

這項民調也發現，有一半的民眾表示，他們希望有更多肢體上的親密接觸和性關係，但其
中男性的比例高達百分之六十二，明顯高過女性的百分之三十八。

多倫多家庭關係和性學專家凱茲表示，夫妻間親密關係愈來愈少，最常見的藉口就是「沒
時間」。她說，許多人，尤其以女性居多，都說他們太忙，根本沒時間去理會這些「瑣
事」，問題是「要享受魚水之歡，需要多少時間？」961226 。

http://news.yam.com/cna/international/200712/20071226100542.html

Men and women disagree over who's the boss: poll
Misty Harris , CanWest News Service
Published: Tuesday, December 25, 2007

If you think you have the last word on major decisions in your family,
think again. According to a new national survey, someone else in the
household feels the exact same way.

In polling 1,000 Canadians for CanWest News Service and Global
Television, Ipsos Reid found the same proportion of men and women - 56
per cent - believe they get the final say in any big decision.

But while both sexes are equally likely to claim authority, more women
strongly agree with the sentiment than men - 29 per cent versus 23 per
cent. Similarly, 46 per cent of women say they are "the boss of everybody
and ruler of the household," whereas just 31 per cent of men agree that
the lady of the manor wields supreme power.

"The question of who's boss and who wears the pants in a relationship
becomes important as the relationship evolves and each partner is trying
to influence the other," said Dr. Scott Haltzman, professor of psychiatry
and human behaviour at Brown University.

"That's the foundation, for lack of a more creative term, of a power
struggle."According to Haltzman, author of the upcoming book The Secrets
of Happily Married Women, when couples are interviewed about how often
they view themselves as giving in, women will say about 50 per cent of
the time while men will say they give in about 85 per cent of the time. Put
simply, women view the relationship as equal while men do not.

"Women have been influenced by popular culture and feminism to think,
'We fought too long and hard to get our way for somebody to tell us what
to do,'" explained Haltzman, noting that a male gesture as innocuous as
recommending one gas station over another can be misinterpreted as his
way of asserting control.

"A lot of the reason why we get involved in these power struggles is that
we don't understand the other person's motivations."

Ron Woodford, an Alberta man married for 33 years, described his
relationship as a collective effort: He handles the "wheelbarrow, snow
shovel" side of things while she manages the home.

"When we do have a contentious issue, I try to resolve it using my
over-reactive, fight-or-flight male ego approach, but she gets resolution
based on logic," said Woodford, an oil worker.

"Women seem to have an inherent ability to approach issues in a calm,
clear manner. As I get older, I think some of those traits are rubbing off
on me. We are more a team now than we ever were."

Questioned about more intimate affairs, one-half of Canadians say they
want more physical closeness and sex in their relationship. Men are more
inclined to want more in the bedroom (62 per cent) than women (38 per
cent).

Rhonda Katz, a family therapist and sexpert from Toronto, said one of the
most common excuses for diminished intimacy is lack of time. She noted
that many people - a disproportionate number of them women - claim,
almost boastfully, that their schedules are simply too full to engage in
something as trivial as sex.

"You have a couple with great sexual harmony and then life interferes:
work, health, children," said Katz. "But how long does it take to make
love? Twelve minutes? It would be lovely if we were all having tantric sex
for three hours but that's not the case."

The CanWest/Global survey is considered accurate within 3.1 percentage
points, 19 times out of 20.

http://www.canada.com/topics/news/national/story.html?id=1a8080cb-1e4f-4460-afbf-d1ba748250bd&k=1261